I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
