So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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