Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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