Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
