Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
