When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
