Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dear god my vagina.
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