I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you mean i was at the winter classic?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
