I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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