ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
