I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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