After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
