ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
