grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
