I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am available for nakedness
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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