if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize