I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My ass is underappreciated
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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