I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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