He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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