Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
