The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
