I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
