i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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