Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize