I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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