guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
