when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
