About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
