I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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