i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
