I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
