I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
