yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
