Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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