she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
