Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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