your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
