Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
