i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
