i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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