It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
