I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
