Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
