If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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