In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
