Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
