It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize