Pappa wants mamma naked
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
