haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm too high and old for this...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
