the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
