when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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