YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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