I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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