She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
