Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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