That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
