Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
