I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
