Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
