You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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