Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
