Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
