Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
