I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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