your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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