Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
