i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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