He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
