dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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