i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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