Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
