I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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