That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
