i always forget guys have bellybuttons
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize