i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
