How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
